


Sherlock loves

by aron_kristina



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Community: thegameison_sh, Gen, Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-03-16
Updated: 2011-03-16
Packaged: 2017-10-17 01:14:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/171362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aron_kristina/pseuds/aron_kristina
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sociopath is a very useful word</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sherlock loves

Sociopath is a very useful word, because no one knows what it means. Especially not psychiatrists, but that's because they don't use it anymore. It's not a real diagnosis, so it's difficult for people to contradict him when he claims to be one.

*

When Sherlock was 22 Mycroft was taken ill. Seriously ill. Sherlock had been forced to sit around Mycroft's bed with various family members and talk about how unfair life was, while all he could think about was how vulnerable Mycroft looked, and how he would inevitably decompose in the ground, bacteria and worms eating at him until nothing was left, only his skeleton.

When Mycroft woke up Sherlock left the hospital. He has never forgiven Mycroft for forcing him to realise that his brother is not immortal, and how much it will hurt him when Mycroft dies. He will never forgive Mycroft for making Sherlock face the fact that he loves his brother.

***

Weltschmertz is not a useful word. It means world-pain, but to Sherlock it describes the feeling he gets when he realizes he might have saved someone, put a murderer away, but he will never be able to save the world. Every day there are people out there suffering, and he can't help them. What he does is meaningless. It helps if he ignores the part of the world that isn't London. He never watches the news because he will feel bad for days.  
*

When Sherlock was 29 years old the London underground was targeted in terrorist bombings. Sherlock wasn't involved in the case, it wasn't anything difficult, and the people responsible were dead. And taking care of terrorist networks was more his brother's thing, anyway.

He spent the next week as high as he could get. He took anything he could find, mixed things without a thought for the consequences, anything to stop thinking. When he came to in his bed he looked at the ceiling and thought he had managed to erase the last eight days from his mind. London hadn't stopped talking about it though, and Sherlock will never forgive London for reminding him she isn't invulnerable, and that he loves her.

***

Love is the most useless word of all, boring, overused, devoid of all meaning. Sherlock hates the word love, everything it stands for and the way it implies that it's a good thing, feeling love. As if the pain Sherlock has seen others feel, all for the notion of love, is something good. Like stupidly suffering for the concept is somehow good.

*

When Sherlock is 34 Moriarty threatens to blow up John. Sherlock is forced to watch, forced to stillness by the threat of explosives around John's body. When he can finally tear them off his hands are shaking. He can't think properly, can't figure out a plan, doesn't know what to do. Sherlock is lost.

When he sits by John's hospital bed later, looking at John's bruised face, waiting for him to wake up, he knows he can never forgive Moriarty for making him realise he loves John.


End file.
